Couples During Covid: For Better or For Worse?
The beginning of Covid-19 also meant the beginning of new ways of being for everyone. Social gatherings became smaller or non-existent, homes functioned as offices and schools, and some began feeling anxious about their own safety and the safety of their loved ones. The topic of Covid became increasingly prevalent amongst my couples during our sessions and we continue to discuss its impact on their relationships.
Ideally, couples would be reveling in the opportunity to connect more as they take advantage of their quality time together; however, some couples are finding that their hobbies, social circles, and long commutes to work were convenient escapes from relationship challenges. It appears that more time at home leaves us with 3 choices: face longstanding and current obstacles head-on, fall into a dynamic of criticism and defensiveness, or avoid through minimal communication.
What helps some couples see their glass as half-full? Here are 5 things the Covid pros have been practicing:
1. They avoid criticism
The pros have learned that if they are critical of one another, they are less likely to feel heard and will most likely get a defensive response. Behind every criticism is an unmet need, so skip the fighting and go straight to statements like“I feel...” and “I need...”.
2. They reflect before replying
If you are in a long-term relationship, by now you have noticed that you and your partner don’t interpret every situation the same way. When we assume, we fall into a web of misunderstandings. Try reflecting back on what you heard your partner say about their experience before sharing yours.
3. They acknowledge pain on BOTH sides
When misunderstandings occur, the pros can validate one another’s pain. They trust that they both will get a chance to feel validated for what they are feeling, regardless of who shares first. Most importantly, they do not compare the severity of one another’s pain.
4. They express appreciation
It has been a tough year with added responsibilities and less freedom. The pros look out for opportunities to express gratitude towards one another for the contributions they each make to keep life going.
5. They make each other a priority
Although quality time may look different in 2020, the pros take advantage of the time they get to spend together by getting creative. Despite the restrictions, your relationship still needs TLC and part of that is maintaining those weekly date nights.
Covid has compelled couples to hold a mirror up to their relationship, to reflect on their strengths and weaknesses, and to strive for something better. As always, if you have attempted to
communicate your concerns with your partner and are struggling to make progress, schedule an appointment with a couples therapist to begin improving your relationship.
