A wife comes home after a long day and greets her husband. Her husband asks, “how was your day, honey?” and she begins to share the challenges she faced. “I just feel really overwhelmed” she states. “I love what I do but today was too much'' she goes on to explain the details of her day and how the events impacted her emotionally. The husband is listening intently and begins to feel pressure. He’s looking at his wife and she is clearly unhappy so his brain goes into problem-solving mode. He is determined to take this burden off of her so he decides to share all of the great ideas that can serve as solutions to his wife’s feelings. As he’s presenting his “why don’t you try” and “what if you did this” thoughts, he starts to notice his wife’s facial expression go from sad to annoyed. The wife then interrupts him with “I don’t need you to solve anything!”.

Does this sound familiar?

In family therapy, it is believed that a family is made up of interdependent parts; that if one piece of the puzzle or member of the family changes roles, the whole system finds a way to adjust in response to the change. We are witnessing a similar adaptation in our society: as more and more women take on the role of contributing financially and intellectually, men are beginning to explore how to contribute in a nurturing and emotional fashion. Often, I find that the males in the relationship have made society’s archaic rules of emotional expression so much part of their identities that it feels inorganic to follow their instincts and state exactly what they are feeling.

Since Covid-19, Americans have experienced many changes; one being that most couples are around each other a lot more often. Is this good or bad? Well, it depends on the relationship and the people in it. Some are sharing that the change of pace is nice. Less time in traffic and at work, means less stress and more quality time at home. Some clients have shared that although this is a difficult and uncertain time, they appreciate being able to focus on their relationships. Others have noticed that with less distractions and difficulty in bypassing interactions, challenges that were avoided in the past are now resurfacing. So let’s discuss the quarantine masters versus the quarantine disasters. What is it that some couples are doing to maintain positivity, connection, and support and how can other couples get there?

The beginning of Covid-19 also meant the beginning of new ways of being for everyone. Social gatherings became smaller or non-existent, homes functioned as offices and schools, and some began feeling anxious about their own safety and the safety of their loved ones. The topic of Covid became increasingly prevalent amongst my couples during our sessions and we continue to discuss its impact on their relationships.